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In The Flesh

PERHAPS Tom Whitbread will come, since so many of his friends have been writing and calling to ask about him. And lo, didst appear the eminent Prof., poet lariat of the U. of Texas, lately sojourning in Mustychewsetts.

First car to park in front of 6000 Merchant Road bore a New Jersey license and brought a charter APC member, Ralph W. Babcock, in time to share the soup for lunch. From Austin, by way of New England, next appeared Dr. Whitebeard. From across the Potomac and beyond the mountains journeyed Steve and Ginger Watts, bearing huge tomatoes and a large raspberry angel food cake. Also from Virginia were Terry and J. D. Kuch, who had been here before but not when the APC was in sober session.

Scurrying back from the Bay of Fundy where he’d been doing his two weeks active training duty in the US Coast Guard was new NAPA member Sam Smith, from D. C., publisher of The Idler, a pro ‘little magazine.’ From the south – the next county south, that is – came Joe Bradburn. Proudly displaying the new Shandygaff for which Nancy had set every bit of type (with only two errors), the Segal quintet pulled in from Bristol, Pa. Also from north of the Mason-Dixon line were Ed and Jan Harler with Curt & Holly. Not one but two new post-convention papers were passed around when the Haywood trio pulled in from Fair Lawn, N. J.

Almost as long on the road as the visitors from out of state was Texas U. student Cliff Woodward III, who after having the stamina to endure classes under Dr. Whitebeard, was subjected to some extra local bus rides as he left his D. C. apartment in search of the elusive Camp Springs suburb.

Later arrivals were the Glen Ridge, N. J., Wessons: Helen, Shep, David, and Pamela (young Sheldon is on a sabbatical) with Peter Schaub of Newark, and McGillicuddy the Dog. Then in a flurry came Brooklyn’s Roy Lindberg armed with marked passages in Robert’s Rules of Order.

Frederick A-Go-Go

The Frederick, Maryland, Chamber of Commerce needs some Madison Avenue touch. Just last week as we drove toward that metropolis we saw many signs advertising hotels and other commercial ventures, but not one of them had yet added a subscript, “Site of the 1966 NAPA Convention.” Maybe the Executive Judges will give the President permission to change the site to Ijamsville, where there is more awareness of the importance of this event.

(Read The Novelty Pressman – A sneaky, unpaid advertisement eased in by Peter Schaub.)

Poetry (Help Us!) Section
To the tune of “Humoresque”

Visitors will please refrain
From dumping type trays in the drain
And stepping on the children –
(We love you!)

If you mix the ink with water
You’ll be named our new pi-sorter;
Kindly start in working –
(Don’t say “foo!”)

If you wish to help work you
Will find something that you can do.
Or be a watcher –
(We’ve got lots of those.)

By the time this paper’s done
We’ll not recall the first press run.
And we’ll relax –
(And bid you all adieu.) – JDK

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Forum – and Against ‘em

An unofficial, and strictly off-the-cuff discussion of the Laureate system developed in the late evening and early morning hours of the weekend. Relative merits, if any, of the methods in different groups were discussed. The results of the airing were not clear-cut, but appear to reveal a surprisingly-general feeling of disappointment in the worth of the entire program. Recommended: No award unless merited.

Roy Fans; Whitbread Benched

After being privileged to read the full file in Judge Castleman’s possession re the Lindberg protests, before, during, and since the Philly Convention, I am convinced Roy’s time would be better spent issuing papers. In fact, I suggest a new amendment to the NAPA Constitution which would require all appeals to the Executive Judges to be printed in an amateur paper. Meanwhile, I have observed that in at least one specific instance1 Roy was absolutely right – just as right (and just as irrelevantly right) as the driver of a Volkswagen who notes that a 6 x 6 truck loaded with TNT is failing to stop at an intersection just ahead, but refuses to apply his brakes because he is ‘right’ and the truck driver is wrong….

On the other hand, I derive a certain amount of smug glee thinking of how Tom Whitbread, who once tried to jam the Nominating Committee machinery by submitting multiple nominations for every office, must now, in his judicial robes,2 deal officially with Roy’s protests & gnat-smashing tactics. – VAM

1 The instance: When he averred that, since the Philly Convention took no action to specify otherwise proposed Amendment No. 10, which changed the procedure for proposing new amendments, became effective on the particular instance at which it was officially adopted – hence the succeeding amendments, Nos. 11-14 inclusive, would (technically) not be able to be voted upon, having been submitted through the previously established mechanism.

2 Judicial robes consisting of a half-empty3 beer can and a grim smile.

3 Shep’s pessimism is showing – the can was still half-full; but it is now academically empty.

34 Makes Quite a Quorum

Pamela Wesson was distraught when the first press proofs of page two showed no mention of the Wesson pup – her Dad had to re-set the paragraph. But nobody noticed the omission of three real humans from the ‘who-was-here’ account. To atone we give them prominence in this round-up recap:

J. Rolfe Castleman
Ann Castleman
Gayle Gamble
Ralph Winslow Babcock
Thomas B. Whitbread, PhD
Steve Watts
Ginger Watts
Terry Kuch
J. D. Kuch
Sam Smith
Joe Bradburn
Nancy Segal
David Segal
Wendy Segal
Hazel Segal
Harold Segal
Edwin C. Harler, Jr.
Jan Sullivan Harler
Curtis Harler
Holly Harler
William Frederick Haywood
Matilda Schabrucker Haywood
Paul Wesley Haywood
Clifford Woodward III
David A Wesson
Sheldon Calliope Wesson
Peter E. Schaub
Roy A. Lindberg
Jacquelyn Giselle Moitoret
Cathryn Suzanne Moitoret
Rowena Autry Moitoret
Victor Antoine Moitoret

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Y is for Yew & Also for Yashmak

This is the house of originals, particularly in curtains. The first thing all the girls exclaimed over were Ro’s stunning dining room drapes, an illustrated alphabet in script and block letters, blue on white material. And her signature tablecloth still draws exclamations of pleasure no matter how many times we see it. – Tillie

And Limericks, Yet!
by J. D. Kuch

By some quite peculiar quirk
The APC members did lurk
In the pressroom, and read,
And gossip, and feed,
While Vic tried to get them to work.

The members of the APC
Were invited to Camp Springs to see
If a job they could find
For each idle mind
– And succeeded with each one but me.

Our Degradation is Complete

– An old rustic volume
Mixed with yellow ketchup
– A purple lariat
In a green clay pipe
– Diamonds galore and a greasy spoon
Exists in my mind tonight

– The 3 a.m. Typesetter

Camp Springs Eternal

Now that 6000 Merchant Road is completely air-conditioned upstairs, it was unanimously agreed to hold all APC meetings between April and October here in Camp Springs.

APC: July 31: At Vic’s
by Thomas Whitbread

Asked to write a sonnet, I comply.
It is very good to be here. The APC
Convenes with beer and with bonhommerie.
Vic’s green for the color block on page one, I
Saw pass Segal’s split pea shirt toward whiteness. Why?
This is an APC meet. Judge R. C.
Sits crowned but not colaed; over him. Protestee
Roy Lindberg casts an undertaking eye.

Wesson’s voice falls down the stair before him. Kids
Skid underfoot and underarmor. Till
Haywood holds still. “Fear to do ill, and you
Need fear naught else.” On the wall. Ephemerids
Neither live nor sit. This is a place where will
To do well, to have humors, to know fun, go true.

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Early Bird Ticket

Nominated today for NAPA office for 1966-67 were:

Elizabeth Butt for President
Willametta Keffer for Vice-President
Roy Lindberg for Official Editor
Dorothy Schneider for Secy.-Treas.
Gayle Gamble for Recorder

Matilda Haywood for Executive Judge
Hazel Segal for Executive Judge
Rowena Moitoret for Executive Judge

Glen Ridge, N. J. for 1967 Convention City.

Rainbows in the Basement

Reason for this colorful issue, beyond the fact that the APC has always been known as a colorful outfit, is just plain jealousy and the spirit of competition. Host Vic remembered that arch-rival Shep Wesson had once hosted a meeting where we printed the line ‘Mary Had a Little Lamb’ in six colors, then used black and gray as well for a total of eight. That record had to fall.

No Rest for the Judges

Word has come to the APC that Critic Lindberg has already burdened the new Executive Judges with work, protesting the action of the Philly convention on sundry subjects. Now, is Mr. Lindberg bigger than the NAPA – in convention assembled – or vice versa? Where are the scales, men?

“This contributes twenty words to my voting quota. I now have nine hundred eighty more words to go.” – Curt Harler

“Just to prove I can still set type [where have you heard that before!], here are my two lines.” – Paul Haywood

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Following the strict mandate of the amended NAPA definition of an amateur paper, this APC News must have an identified editor. Guilty is host Vic Moitoret, but he had lots of help (who needs it!).

The Cuniculus Press

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