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EXTRA! SPECIAL REPORT! EXTRA!
Moscow, USSR, (via TP Radio) – Gregorio Gregoriovich, aged 54, a local engineer has a claim to a world’s record not found in the official champion’s list. His claim of setting a new world’s record for giving up smoking tobacco! He says he gave up again (for the last time) 254 times in one year, though the accuracy of his statement is in doubt in the U. S. A. He also said Mark Twain could be counted as runner-up if the decadent democracies wanted to enter the race. (We find it difficult to believe a Russky can outperform a true-blue 100 per cent American but we will reluctantly concede the possibility. – Editor’s Note.)
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THE MIDDLE of the year is a good time for all to pause and consider our progress. Honestly now, search your heart – are you able to suffer fools gladly? Can you forgive your enemies (as well as your friends)? If you can say yes to these queries, you are a step ahead of – A. P. McGinty, Editor and Publisher.
Horoscope for June.
By Omar Shadoof, Horoscopist-in-Residence.
June 3 – This a good time to resolve to shun the limelight. The cheers of your peers are pleasant to your ears, but trying to beat your last act each time you’re on stage can really tire you.
June 10 – Let the Good Times Roll! The next week promises joy to all, health, wealth and time to enjoy them (as our Spanish cousins say). But we must keep in mind the Balance of Fortune.
June 17 – After last week, today starts a period of joyous gloom for those who enjoy it. Others may attend, if they wish. (Please, no more scuffling in the aisles or loud snoring!)
June 24 – A good time ahead for hang glider persons, kite flyers of all sexes and those who enjoy stretching out on new-grown grass. Properly done on a hilltop, a person might roll some distance without great bodily harm.
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