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Which should be more active, now the cooks have retired.

When Louise phoned to say we had been jointly elected secretary-treasurer of NAPA (you get into all sorts of joints when you go along with her) she made two requests.

(1) Make an appointment with Bill Boys so we can get educated in our job.
(2) Prepare a questionnaire.

“Why a questionnaire?” I asked.

“How should I know?” she snapped. (The less she knows about anything, the snappier she gets.)

“New officials always start off with a questionnaire.”

“But what should I ask questions about?”

“Anybody who asks as many questions as you do should not have to ask that,” she snapped, again.

“Your three minutes are up,” said a disembodied voice and since the call was not on a free expense account, we hung up. As to the questionnaire, it has developed into the following multiple choice, opinionnaire, direct question and commentary. I see no good reason for it. No prize is offered. Replies do not have to be returned. It does not measure your I.Q. or predict your future. But if it is the thing to do, we do it. A good motto for our official tenure.

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NAPA stands for

1) National Amateur Press Association
2) National Automotive Parts Association
3) A wine producing county in California
4) Nobody Acknowledges Papers Anymore.

From our standpoint, only the first answer is valid. A refund for anyone who sent in dues under the misapprehension he was joining one of the other NAPAs is made on the following basis:

Granted for (2) upon receipt of a satisfactory, exactly 258 word essay proving the auto is mightier than the printing press or vice versa. All essays become the property of the sponsors, who will also decide what constitutes satisfactory.

(3) No refund as you need a hobby to take your mind off your drinking.

(4) No refund as this is actually a subdivision of (1) as most printers can tell you.

Should the name of NAPA be changed because

1) It is international rather than national?
2) Some of its members are professional as well as amateur printers?
3) All of its members are not printers?
4) The abbreviation of association is ass?

Since changing the name of NAPA would require a change in the constitution, what is the procedure for proposing an amendment?

1) Draw it up in what you consider is correct legal language.
2) Pass it on to the amendment committee and let them put it into legal language.
3) Have it printed in The National Amateur.
4) Publicize it.
5) Pray for a miracle.
6) Try again next year.
7) Repeat the process until you get tired of the whole thing.

If you are not a printer, how do you get what you write into print?

1) Send manuscripts to the manuscript bureau.
2) Send material to printers who ask for it.
3) Pay a good printer. (That is the safest method.)
4) Throw out your stuff – and try to write better.

If you are not a writer, how do you get material?

1) Contact the manuscript bureau.
2) Put an ad in your paper.
3) Take a course in creative writing.
4) Sell, give away or junk your press.

Why did you join NAPA?

Write your answer on a separate sheet of paper and attach it to your press or typewriter. Read it from time to time to remind you why you are in NAPA. Amend it, if necessary, to conform to your current viewpoint and activity. Should you reach the point where you no longer have any reason for membership, resign. On the other hand, should you find membership an increasingly rewarding experience, recruit your friends. It is also suggested your answer might become an article in your paper.

We now find we have begun to run out of space before we ran out of questions. We executives are always being carried away by the sound of our own voices. There is still room, however, for that usual closing clincher:

Are there any questions?

The rest of ours and the answers to any of yours will be duly considered in a subsequent issue, very probably six months subsequent. However, we are beginning to see why a term of elected office so often begins with a questionnaire.

1) It gets your name before your constituents.
2) All the blank spaces make it possible to fill up a lot of paper with a minimum expenditure of time and thought.

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Compiled by A. Walrus
Edited by Louise Lincoln
both of whom live at Columbus, Ohio 43209

Printed by Alf Babcock, Cranford, N. J.

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