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< The Alexander Rag, Number 2 | The Alexander Rag, Number 4 >
New! Improved!
Just What the World Needs – A Bigger, Better Alexander Rag!
Maybe I’m taking my hobby too seriously. I recently purchased a 10 x 15 C & P, a car load of paper, some type, cuts, and a lot of odds and ends. Much of which I may never use. The press has been outside for the last ten years and is very rusty, but with a lot of care and elbow grease it will one day be as good as new.
I now have nine more drawers of type, but still not enough, as I just ran out of lower case E’s.
Any suggestions on the easiest way to move my new press? And how do I get it down 12 steps?
… And Speaking of Improvements…
Since my last journal I have been diligently working on an invention which just may revolutionize the world of amateur journalism. The Alexander Rag 3 is the first time ever that the Woodie Electronic Rapid Setter of Type (WERST) is being used.
I just couldn’t squeeze a linotype machine into my print shop and I’ve always been slightly jealous of those people who could sit down and have their journals ready to print in a matter of hours, so I sat down and drew upon my superior knowledge of electronics, mechanics, and typesetting to design this marvelous machine.
I’ve incorporated 1,752 transistors, 361 electrodes and 190 capacitors into a compact chassis of 18 by 24 inches. Unfortunately it stands 15 feet high, but by altering the upstairs floor plan slightly, I’ve fit most of WERST into a corner of my print shop.
Operating the WERST is almost as easy as designing and building it was. I simply select the size and style type I want and insert that type case into a slot. After I turn off all other electric appliances in the house and hook up the 72 truck batteries for additional power, I’m ready to go. I simply dictate to WERST and it converts my words into mechanical energy which activates a series of ‘fingers’ which picks up the correct piece of type and deposits it into the composing stick. Simple.
What did you say dear? The neighbors are complaining that their lights are dimming? Tell them I’m almost done and get off my back!
Now where was I? I simply dictate to WERST and it converts my werds into – no wait, I alredy sed that:;
OH Ya – Hear Ayem – I’ve alsso incorporated a computer memorie banke into witch I have fed the entire contents of the Merriam Webster Pockit DicshuneRy, whiCH enSurs keREkt Spellin, and an Elektrick Aye dEvise that cheKs EverY pease of tipe fore Corwrecked Stile & SIZE. Geneyes.
Wat izit now? Yu say all the telefone Poles on tHe blok R on fire? OK-OK I’m allmost dun,
Well, it seems I still have a few bugs to work out of WERST. Guess I’ll have to go back to the old way of setting type.
I enjoyed reading Paul Schaeffer’s Annex Press (No. 1) a great deal, especially the poem by Star Schaeffer entitled “My Left Hand.” What can I say – it sort of inspired me to attempt some poetry of my own. Though not nearly as professional or as beautifully done as Star’s poetry, here is…
My Right Hand
Why won’t people shake my hand?
I’m sociable, friendly, and not bad looking,
And my breath smells like delicious home cooking.
The only other thing it could be, I think,
Is that my right hand is covered with ink.
And if that wasn’t enough for you, how about…
My Right Hand 2
I’ve been printing for a dozen years,
Composing and inking and greasing gears.
Today I noticed for the very first time,
My right hand is full of printer’s grime!
It’s not the usual kind at all,
For my hand is all the colors of fall.
My pointer is red, my thumb is blue,
Good grief, what’s this? My pinky is too!
The Alexander Rag is a bi-monthly publication, so far, give or take a week or two. Set in mostly 12 point Stymie Medium by
Gary Woodie
St. Francis, Wisconsin 53207