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Our Season’s Greetings
by A. P. McGinty, Editor and the Staff
This issue marks our first year of publication. We’ve enjoyed the effort and we’re looking forward to the years ahead. Our hope is to improve ourselves, to enlighten the lives of our readers and generally brighten the world wherein we live. May you all enjoy the Best of all Holidays!
The First Newspaper Advertisement
On March 7, 1649 in the Impartial Intelligencer of England appeared the first newspaper advertisement, of which we have record. It is from a gentleman in Candish, Suffolk, from whom two horses have been stolen. – History of Stereotyping by G. A. Kubler.
How to Deal with Revolver Difficulty
If revolvers could not be sold for less than $500 a piece, with a guarantee on the part of the vendor, signed by good sureties, that he would support widows and orphans, you would see more longevity lying around loose, and Western cemeteries would cease to roll up such mighty majorities. – Bill Nye (about 1880).
Our Special Horoscope
Jan. 1: Never stand close to the hind feet of a butterfly. Be on guard in case of black-eyed men approaching you with an offer of great riches.
Jan. 9: Be artistic today. Frame a friend.
Jan. 14: Do not burn the candle at both ends. You’ll surely become a drip.
Jan. 21: Today someone might recognize you. Better hide!
Jan. 28: With Mars ascendant and Mercury falling you can expect some really chilly weather soon.
Feb. 4: No advice this week. Perhaps we did not read the signs correctly.
Feb. 11: At this time, sand tracked into the house on bare feet might lead to hard words.
Feb. 18: The next two weeks are the best of the year for sheer, unadulterated recklessness. Drive fast, ski the steepest slopes, drink deep of life’s joys! The stars are in your favor!
(To Be Continued.)
A ‘49er’s Threat
Two men were squabbling and one said, “Only let me get a-hold of your beggarly carcass once, and I will use you up so small that God Almighty himself can’t see your ghost!” – Letters from the Mines
Letters to the Editor Department
Dear Sir,
Speaking of cotter pins – (an earlier story told of three trials to get the right auto part. Finally the buyer told the clerk, “Only part that fitted first time was a box of cotter pins!” Ed. Note.) My wheelbarrow had a very flat tire. Getting a new tire, my grandson undertook to replace it. Every thing just right until he needed a cotter pin. Did we scrounge around looking for that important little bit? After messing around a whole case of machinist’s needs – Eureka! We found it! About three days later the wooden handle came off. You can’t push a wheelbarrow with one handle, so there it sits. Anyone got an extra wooden arm they’re willing to sell?
Cordially,
Mrs. Edith Cleaves.
Personal Notes
Mr. and Mrs. Harold Dahlberg announced the marriage recently of their daughter, Merry, to Mr. Donald Shortis. Our Very Best Wishes!
Printed Strictly for Entertainment by the Trivia Press, Harlan D. and Nell Burbank, Oakland, Cal. 94602